Tuesday, 03 August 2010

• So Many Messages, So Little Time

  

  Everyone hates getting mixed signals – the girl you’re crushing on sends you nauseatingly cute text messages, but then flakes out every time you try to hang out with her; the guy you like is a romantic gentleman one-on-one, but when he’s with his buddies, he turns into a frat-tastic “bro” who is embarrassed to show emotion or indicate any type of relationship with you.

  But mixed signals are a part of life because there is never one answer or opinion or way of doing things when people are involved. We’re too freaking complicated. As a writer, I am supposed to “keep my audience in mind.” So my style and my message changes according to whom I am intending to reach.

  I am a recovering anorexic in a society that is currently dealing with an obesity epidemic. I am told to exercise less and eat more, but my ears are ringing with militant orders to work out more and eat less and don’t indulge and you’ll look great if you just lose a little weight.

  

  I know that I am supposed to filter out the messages that don’t apply to me. Intellectually, I know this – I’m not stupid. But there’s a difference between knowing and feeling. And these “bad” messages (bad for me) sometimes permeate my intellectual, logical shield and mingle with that place in my head where my eating disorder still has some power (he’s weak, but not dead yet).

  

  The other day, I was talking to one of the busboys at my work. He’s from Belarus (formerly a part of the Soviet Union) and has a very difficult time with English, but if I speak slowly, we can have a pretty productive (and simple) conversation. I asked him what he thought of American girls and he responded that (I wish I could type with an accent) the girls in Belarus are much prettier because they don’t eat fat foods like Americans.

  Now intellectually, I know that by no means was this little Belarussian directing a “fat” message at me. But I know that my dying yet still existent eating disorder cocked his head and widened his eyes with interest. And I hate that I have no control over that little part of me.

  

  Mixed signals and contradicting messages are things that we all have to deal with, and filtering out the stuff that does not apply to you can be hard…even if you think that you are logically filtering it out. Some of those messages that aren’t meant for you will always reach that part of your brain that thrives on negative feedback.

  

  Do you experience mixed messages/signals? What do you do to filter out the junk?

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